Sunday, December 12, 2010

Bitch-Face

Wow, that goat cheese log just went fast! I just bought it this afternoon and opened it 35 minutes ago.

But the real tale tonight is one of adventure and self improvement:

I have a serious case of bitch-face when I am walking down the street. It's purpose is to discourage people from talking to me and/or overly aggressive construction workers or broken-english speaking men saying "damn, sweet assssss" or enticing me with other poetry.

I would recommend any lone female to use bitch face when walking down the street. It is like locking your car. It won't prevent all break-ins (comments), but will deter many.

Then, on the flip side- I am addicted to self-help/spiritual books. I also love the occasional self-help audio-book. One that I recently listened to said to "engage with people on a regular basis"- old ladies, babies, animals, girls, men. This is for the general purpose of having a more giving, open, approachable... like energy field or something, in order for you to not eventually die alone: Engage with everyone. Not just hot guys. (Which is too scary to do anyway, let's be honest).

I took the subway downtown to the West Village tonight to meet my friend who lives in Brooklyn to catch up and have drinks. In the subway I listened to my headphones and then realized I was not being engaging. So I decided to give the occasional half smile to people in order to not shut myself off- energetically, of course. But then these old guys on the subway were leering as I sat there smiling, so I immediately employed bitch-face again. They still leered. Car unlocked.

As I walked out of the subway at West 4th street, I saw a couple pouring over a map (safe!). This was my time! Let's be nice! I took it upon myself to take out my earphones (big step), walk over them, and say: "Do you need help?"

Blank stare.

They didn't speak English. And also gave me kind of "What is the matter with you? We didn't even ask you for help" expressions.

I backed away from them, gesturing wildly and saying: "Oh! Oh! You're fine... ehhhh... sorry."

Of course.

Hey, I tried.

Happpy Effing Saturday Night/Sunday Morning.


The many versions of bitch-face:

never looks at you

the lookaway

bored

over it

pissed

are you kidding me

unamused

getting really pissed now

You may wonder why I am so fresh faced and dewey-eyed above. Just kidding. Bitch face doesn't put on makeup for a morning photoshoot because then she would be scared of your judgement. And Bitch Face is NOT scared of your judgement.

1 comment:

  1. um this is brilliant , i am alone and laughing uncontrollably

    ReplyDelete

say whatever you want