Friday, February 25, 2011

Vampire Pear Attack

I think I was sick last night.

I got in bed at 9:20, in the middle of The Office, with more than an hour of NBC comedy left to watch.

I don't even remember what happened in the shows. And when 30 Rock was over, just as the horrible theme music for Outsourced was beginning, I turned off my TV and thought I was going to bed.

About an hour later I realized I wasn't asleep. Then I realized I was hungry. However, because I'm pretty sure I was sick- I was also hesitant to get out of bed to eat for 2 reasons:

1- I was so tired I didn't want to get out of bed

2- I was afraid my hunger was inversely proportional -and preliminary- to nausea/vomiting. I don't know if that happens to others, but it happens to me.

I waited 20 minutes in case I was getting the Vomit Flu again (I had it... a month ago?). Then, when I was sure it was hunger and not preliminary nausea- I flew out of my bed like a demon- snatched a Pear - and was so tired that I had to lie down to eat it in my bed. I was able to remember to get a paper towel before lying back down- but the brown, eco-friendly, 1-ply recycled kind, which didn't do S***t .

(Squat).

However, as I lay there, desperately tired- so tired that the idea of eating cookies from a box that was sitting right next to the fruit bowl was way too hard because my arm would have to move too much - and still desperately hungry, I could only liken my midnight snack in the dark- in my bed- to the desperation of a Vampire trying not to waste the blood (juice) dripping out of the person (pear) and getting all over my face and spilling onto my pointless, brown, eco-friendly paper towel.

In retelling this story, I realize that the pear in fact was not that similar to a Vampire victim, or really that interesting at all. But- the conclusion is that: I MUST have been sick.

Vampire version of the Fruit Bowl

Eye Spy? nigella, amy sedaris, pear, i love jim mug, pear, cookie box
On an even more depressing note:

Now I'm sitting in my apartment alone- stress eating the food for the guests- because too many people are coming tonight and I don't know where they are all going to SIT.

(And how will I get them out at a reasonable hour? What would Amy do? Charge them per hour?)

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