Thursday, April 28, 2011

I put my makeup on in the dark

If anyone reading this knows me- this will probably not come as a surprise. Because I am sure you have seen me, in the sunlight, or just the regular light, and wondered how I let myself out with dots of concealer in all the wrong places...

Its because: I put my makeup on in the dark.

I have mirrors far from my windows, and only put on very dim lights inside.


I squint in the semi-glow of the christmas lights that are up around my apartment, and pat on thick MAC concealer under my eyes and on red spots with a mini paint brush (not a makeup brush, a paint brush from an art store the size of a toothpick that my mom bought for me in high school to cover up zits. it is probably very dirty now. omg people clean their brushes, don't they...). Anyway. I also smudge it with my fingers and then its all gone and so I put it on again but let's be honest--- I can't tell what it looks like because I am putting it on in the dark.

And whenever it happens that I put on makeup on in full light... I am so horrified by what I see that I am depressed for a few hours. So I just don't let it happen.

Also, because these experiences are so horrifying- I convince myself that most people probably have eye problems anyway. (Which is delusional.)

Every day- in the daytime- which it normally is- I walk down the street in the sunlight and realize that I may look like a clown- as if I haven't had this same panic the day before. And I rub my face discreetly with my fingers and try to smoosh the concealer further into my huge pores and smudge the concealer under my eyes some more.

No wonder my skin quality is questionable.

I guess the fall-out of my fall-out with mirrors and natural lighting- is that I might look like a whore or maybe an old woman clown with my frightening makeup. But at least what I look like remains a sort of mystery to me. Kind of like.... facial skin dysmorphia.

I just don't wanna know- I'd rather be in the dark.

2 comments:

  1. Buy yourself a lighted magnified 8X mirror, and use it in full sunlight. You WILL be horrified BUT, you will tell yourself that nobody sees this clearly at 8X the normal sight. That way you get to see what you are doing AND when you look in a regular mirror at other times you will only look better!

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