Friday, July 20, 2012

IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE RAINING?

When it is raining, I immediately check the internet weather forecast to see if it is actually raining.

My first response to rain isn't a simple: "It is raining."

Instead it's: "Is it supposed to be raining? Does the internet agree that it is raining? If so, how long is it supposed to last? And will the internet change it's mind? How should I plan my walks with or without that heavy and unruly umbrella? How long should I be ok that I am not doing anything today? Should I feel guilty for sitting inside? Internet: speak to me".

That way I know whether to be mad or accepting.

For instance:

"UGH, it was NOT supposed to be raining. How dare it."

Or

"Oh man, it seems to be raining? Ah yes, and the internet confirms that it is raining, and also that it was supposed to rain, and is supposed to continue all day. Ah, well. Best watch some more HBOgo"

Sometimes I check every half hour to see what the updated supposed forecast is. And let me tell you. It changes all the time! That Hour-By-Hour forecast does not make up it's mind.

If you want to be on top of the weather, I suggest you stop trusting what is happening, and start wondering if the internet agrees with what is happening, and what it says is supposed to happen. And check often.

The benefit to this, is that when you are with someone and the conversation falls flat, and someone inevitably says: "Oh this weather....". You will be able to say... "Oh the internet said it was supposed to...... but instead it........ when it began the internet said that it was supposed to be......... how weird and frustrating!"

Basically, you will have a lot to say. And people will be floored by your attention to details and how much you know about the weather/internet.






This also works for extreme heat, or any other weather condition that you would like to complain about and/or attempt to micromanage.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Full Length Mirror Fail

Yesterday I had my first real-job interview that wasn't for an ice cream shop, a restaurant, a babysitting job ... and wasn't an acting audition.

I have this mildy appropriate dress from Anthropologie that my mom told me looked like a "Mom's Easter Dress" as she tried to talk me out of buying it.

Mom's Easter dress? Perfect. Perfect for the office!

Geometric Daisy Dress
this is not me.


But here is the real problem: I don't have a full length mirror in my apartment. I wish I could say its because I am like the Beast, who has no mirrors in my castle because I can't stand to look at my hideous form. Sometimes that is actually true. But that is not why I don't have a full length mirror.

There was a full length mirror on a closet door in the kitchen that I removed so I could fit a refrigerator inside. Because I need a lot of food stocked at all times. And the mini-fridge that everyone assumes is a dishwasher, was not cutting it.

And since I removed that closet door and put it in the overhead sideways storage closet, I have not had a full length mirror for 2 years.

1. Sometimes I use my photobooth video recorder as a full length mirror. That proves to be very strange and vain when I watch back a movie of myself. Well- only vain if I decide my outfit is acceptable. And just kind of sad if I decide I need to change it- because then I have to re-record a video -and it takes a LOT OF TIME.

2. The other thing I do, is stand on a flimsy wooden chair and look in my half mirror that sits on my dresser. This doesn't show my calves or feet, but it is better than nothing. I have known for a while that there might be some fatal ending to this practice, because the chair is very fragile, and I am very clumsy.

Well, yesterday, that day of days, it was 15 minutes before I was leaving for my office audition, and I was standing on that flimsy chair, and I fell. And in springing into action and landing on my feet instead of my neck, I ripped the bottom of that Maternal Easter Dress. I had no other dresses available in my closet because they are all specific to helping me look like Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapp, etc.

So I wore it anyway - with a safety pin that hid very little of the rip.

Interview-wise, I think the photoshop test portion went alright, but the proofreading test was no bueno. I got a little comma happy, and started trying to wonder "how many typos would one logically put in each paragraph on a test proofread?". Also, if you can tell by this blog, my punctuation is questionable.

Moral: Get a full length mirror. Keep the babysitting job.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I Only Sleep In...


I saw some girl on the street wearing a t shirt that said "I only sleep in Pink". It was so weird to me, that I am going to write a little post on it.

Tell me why Victoria's Secret has adopted "Pink" as a thing?

Why?

Anyway, I think its dumb, and I certainly don't understand why anyone would limit themselves to only sleeping in Pink when they could branch out to Monkey Boxers.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

French Women Don't Eat in Bed

At a certain point, no matter how many self help books about being chic you read, when you are at a dive bar trying to keep up with your high school friend who is 6'1", and you are being handed your third champagne-in-a-can with a chambord mixer shot on the side, after already having 2 strong gin and whiskey drinks (whyyy?) .... things get ugly.



This is what I am trying to say: At a certain point... you wake up at 6 am with your head in the salad bowl you brought into your bed for potential throwing up. And you wish you had because in that case you would feel much better.

And it is at this point that, for whatever reason, you realize again you are not the kind of girl who throws up the day-after-the-night she wanted to throw up. Oh no, you are hungry. 

And so after wondering what the best plan of action is, and tapping into your ever-wise savoir-faire, you decide to eat granola lying on your side with your eyes closed until your pillow is littered with oats. And once all the big chunks are gone you keep going even though you are essentially just playing with granola dust.

It is essential to eat, because you are starving, and it is the only way you will be able to fall asleep again. 

Also, the ibuprofen you just took mandates that you to eat.

And you have to wonder about those idyllic French Women and their savoir faire... if in the same situation, can you tell me that they wouldn't do the same?

Eh, they probably wouldn't.