Thursday, April 25, 2013

The Posts I Never Wrote: Part 5

Continued. From. Here. Ok?




When searching through my posts drafts- this is what I found:


"As Soon as I knew it was a Robot..."
"I said: "As soon as I knew it was a robot calling, I hung up the phone. But then the robot called me back!!!!"." Where can a post like this go? Nowhere, that's where.

***

I Just Symbolically Deleted My OkCupid Account
Not like I ever actually used it. But, you know, I will never forget those 3 bad dates as long as I live. I'm never going on an internet date again. And the universe can just deal with it.

***

Green Means Stop
Sometimes I accidentally stop at green lights if I am trying to drive cautiously. Normally late at night. Whatever, no big deal. That's why I won't make it a whole post.

***


Was that a baby or a cat?
I heard a weird cry in the middle of the night. I couldn't tell if it was a baby or a cat.

Comedy gold.

***


Cobb Salads
Not only are Cobb Salads good- but they are hilarious. Who invented them? "Ah, yea I think I will order a salad with chicken. And add some cheese, too, ..umm, some blue cheese. Yum. Thanks. -----Wait, actually, not sure there is enough protein or salt there, some bacon too maybe? Yes, bacon too. Thanks. Yay, that'll be good. Wait! I'm worried that this not enough protein. What do you think? Can you add an egg or two? Thank you!!!! Wait, wait. Wait sorry. Sorry. I really don't want to be hungry. Umm, do you guys have avocado? Yea, add some avocado too. And can I have blue cheese dressing? And olives. Ok, that is it. Thank you.--- You're bringing bread to the table, right?" 

I guess if I ever become a stand-up comedian I'll do bits on Cobb Salads, and Robot Cold Calls.

"Robots!? Whhh-- why? Right, guys?? What! Hilarious, right!??"

*Crickets from the audience......*


No comments:

Post a Comment

say whatever you want