Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sheets Should Not Be This Expensive

Here are some things that should not be so stupidly expensive:

Sheets



Holy mother of bedsores, I can't believe how expensive pain old cotton sheets are. I have never considered it before, because this is the first time I have bought my own. Somehow I have gotten by the past few years on the sheets my mom bought me while with her in Bed Bath and Beyond as a kind but strange gift.

Who knew they were a million dollars per square inch? And who knows why they have to be Egyptian or which thread-count number is considered acceptable? And, being someone who has trouble getting to sleep anyway, does that mean I SHOULD spend my life's savings on sheets? Or does that mean that it will be even more pointless?

These were all questions that I stressed over for two hours looking at amazon, bed bath and beyond, macy's, then... anthropologie (because I was just curious what actual fancy designery sheets cost), then urban outfitters and considered getting their $79 "sateen" sheets. Then I realized that sateen means satin and I might feel like a cartoon version of a hooker. May as well buy a heart-shaped bed while I'm at it.

The only cheap sheets on Amazon are made of microfiber, and have some very angry reviews: "THESE ARE NOT COTTON, THESE ARE MICROOOFFIIIBBBERR", as well as some good reviews: "these sheets are SO SOFT! wow I am ordering MORE" and I didn't know what to do. Nobody was guiding me. I felt like it was too late in my life to ask my mom and didn't feel like getting out my phone and texting her anyway.

I ended up buying some sheets, sort of reasonably priced considering the other things I was seeing, from Target. Some of the reviews said they were great. Some said they were scratchy and fell apart. I took my chances. In fact, I bought two sets in a moment of complete sheet-mania. (I also bought some much-needed large baskets to go in the weird ikea shelf thing under the tv.)

Now I just need to remember to wash my sheets and we'll be good to go.

Salmon

Salmon is really expensive. Especially the wild kind, which is the kind we apparently are supposed to be getting.

Berries

They are expensive and only keep you full for about ten minutes.

Olive Oil

Unbelievable. And apparently 'the mafia' cuts it with cheaper oils too. (This is supposed to be a real thing. There is a documentary on it (that I haven't seen).)

Air Conditioners

Haven't they been around for a while?

Computers

Haven't they been around for a while?

Trains and Planes

Haven't they been around for a while?!

TVs

Ditto. And I really do need a new tv, mine is 4 years old and from Walmart and if I turn the sound above 25, the speakers make a shaky quaky sound. And tv is very important to me.

Cool Cheese from the fancy section of the store

"Cool cheese, all I want to do is buy you and eat you. Why do you have to be 13 dollars for such a small wedge?"

Diamonds

I'm sorry but diamonds are boring and, frankly, everywhere. They do not seem to be a precious commodity anymore. At all. What is the point? Sometimes I consider selling the expensive diamond necklace my grandparent's gave me for money to get laser hair removal, but then I remember I may have lost it. And I had better find it.

Flowers

As stupid as I think diamonds are, I WOULD like to buy myself flowers! Wouldn't that be a nice romantic thing to do for myself before I get home and eat cheese on thin crisps and watch Adventure Time? But no, they are so expensive, and they don't even LAST.

Ok.

That's all for now.

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