Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A Poem on the Bath’s Broken Promises

Thankful Thursday: I am thankful for showers, even though my shower sucks and my super just avoids fixing it. Showers are way better than baths- I wrote a poem below all about how baths are dumb.

(This poem does not rhyme, btw, so DONT EXPECT IT TO.)

How can you truly get clean in a bath
when the dirt doesn't go anywhere at all?
You can't even get the soap off of you
And besides that, baths are boring

I used to take baths in high school
I even used candles
and tried to read,
Because I saw it in the movies
and thought it might give me a luxurious life
like the people who bathed in those various forms of media.
It was just boring.
And I don't even think I got clean
because, again, the dirt doesn’t go anywhere,
and the bubbles were never as awesome
and i needed to take a shower afterwards to clean my hair, anyway

Since then 
I have not taken any baths
On Purpose,
because they are lame.

But even if I wanted to, I couldn't 
because my tub is never clean.
And there is no way in hell I am going to clean the tub just to sit around pointlessly in it

The end

Q&A: Skinny Stuff

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


Wait I am sorry- I do not generally like doing anything, or celebrating much, but Oh my LORD in the shape of a small baby boy. there is a holiday for EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR! And most of them are incredibly stupid and hilarious! I have to celebrate them all!

For as long as I can remember, probably about 6 days, I'm gonna post every day about the Holiday and how I celebrated. Then around the week mark I am sure I will regret this decision/forget.
Regret and Forget.

But, For now, it is National Skeptics Day and National Make Your Dreams Come True Day!
I was a skeptic about the Holidays being a real thing. But then I checked another internet website and it said the same thing there so it MUST BE RIGHT. The internet NEVER LIES. It never has and it never will.

Is God Real? And if so, DOES he have a beard? I dunno. But the internet never lies.
My dreams have come true because EVERY DAY HAS A DUMB HOLIDAY.

(Also I was born on National Bird Day.)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

I'm so freaking thankful

SO it is thursday and I got a little reminder notification in my phone to write a "Thankful Thursday" post, and I was like ughhhhhhhghhghhhhghhhghghghhghhhhhhh. Is this my only way for good karma and positivityyyyy it can't beeeeeeee.

But, because I like to pretend to keep my promises, here it is:

-I am thankful for makeup. It makes a difference. It tricks people. I am also thankful that the boy that I am seeing didn't think that I wore makeup. HA!

-I am thankful today for advil liquigels- specifically. It is good for so very many things. Like hangovers. And today: Cramps. And some days: hangovers + cramps. And for being a cure-all that hasn't given me stomach ulcers - yet

-I am so thankful for dry shampoo because my goddamn shower has (been) broken (for year and a half) and vacillates between scalding and freezing and I do not want to take one now!

-So, I am thankful to my superintendent for literally NOTHING.

-I am thankful for bananas because they are portable.

-I am thankful for small bottles of wine. I dunno why. They are just cute. And they are wine.

-I am thankful for the reminder app on my phone, unless it is pissing me off.

-I am thankful for dim lighting so I don't have to look at my face too closely.

-I am thankful for ordering things on amazon, but seriously, breaking down and taking the boxes to the basement makes it all arguably harder than regular shopping, so what do I do.... do I need a maid?

Ok, I'm done. I need some advil.