Monday, March 28, 2011

Ways to Avoid Taking Shots

Who this post is NOT for:
Some people love taking shots, so this post's advice is useless. But for people who find themselves going with the group and taking shots when they wish they weren't. Here:

Why I hate shots:
I love drinking- but shots are pointless. If 3 drinks is all I want, and can handle, WHY would I make 1 or 2 of them shots?


Survey the Scene, Feel out your Peer Pressurers for what kind of Shot Escape you can use

I never order shots for myself- its normally ordered by a "friend"- or given for free by the bar (the worst kind) but you feel slightly obligated either way.

  1. First thing I do, is, if I am aware of the shots being ordered or offered I say simply that I don't want any. Or pretend I don't want any because I am too drunk. I earnestly say "I do not want any" and don't make a big deal about it.

This works about 20% of the time. Normally people are going to get you your shot anyway. Either they are alcoholics and want the shot themselves and really want you to make them feel less alcoholic by taking the shot with them. Or they don't believe you that you don't want the shot. Or they truly think that having shots will make the night more fun. Or they are a bartender who.... I can't understand why a bartender gives free shots- (except unfortunately sometime it DOES end in me buying more alcohol, though you would think the other way around.) Or they are a guy trying to get you drunk so he can take you away with him.

All bad reasons to take shots.

  • 2nd thing I do is survey the scene. Sometimes its ok to just not take the shot. It depends on how crowded the surroundings are, it depends on who these friends are, it depends on who got the shots. Sometimes it really is ok to just not take the shot and give it to someone else or just let it sit there. There are no hard and fast rules for when this ok, except sometimes it just seems ok.
In that case. Just let it sit there.

Sometimes, for reasons we cannot fully explain, it seems important that people think we are taking the shot. Sometimes it seems rude, or lame or whatever, to refuse even if you have already refused wanting one in the first place. So, in order to deceive and decept and fit in- you can do one of these three things:

Ways to Make it seem like you took the Shot
  •  Literally just dump it on the floor next to you while everyone is taking it.
I learned this from Karen Fillapelli from the Office. Also it makes me laugh to myself because it really is an absurd thing to do. Issues are: people standing around you that you might hit, etc. And on the flip side- sometimes it is not crowded enough around you, but people are standing around you who will notice. Sometimes it might be so dead - or such a nice place that your friends and others will hear the splash of liquor on the floor. Feel it out. You'll know when this option is right. I have used it many times. Its funny to do. A little joke with yourself.
  • 2nd: pour it into an empty glass around you.
It can be a dirty one, or a clean one, but best not to taint your own unfinished drink unless you don't want to finish it anyway. Or maybe its a straight shot and you want to add it to your drink and then be able to sip it at your own leisure. That is actually a good idea. Hmmmmm....... But not if its a gross mixed piece of sugary shit. BLerghk.

This is a viable option with many different and varying possibilities. Find a glass. Dump.
  • #3rd option is a variation on #2. Actually take the shot into your mouth and then SPIT into another glass.
My friends actually saw me do this the other night. I did it non-discretely and on-purpose because it was the bartender who was pressuring me in an annoying way. And he was friends with my friend. But because I knew my friends didn't care whether I took the shot or not, I instead fooled only the bartender, and dirtied one of his clean glasses stacked in front of me. Ha. Why you want me to be so drunk, bartender?

Yes, you soak in some alcohol when you hold it in your mouth for ten seconds, but its better than nothing.

I just want to say. That bartender (at a pub in midtown east) was making 4 shots of some gross blue shit that tasted like mouthwash, as per request of my friend, even though I said and meant: NO.

I had already been forced to have a kamakaze- which I took into my mouth and spat into a glass.

So- when no one is looking with this blue stuff, I took a baby taste just so I knew what it tasted like- didn't even worry about deceiving anyone, and just dumped it in an empty glass next to me.

Nobody even cares.

Your necessary level of deceit will be clear to you in the situation.

The long and short of it is that its not a big deal and nobody really cares whether you take the shot or not. Sometimes you'll take the thing anyway.

Be true to you.

Over and out.

Happy Drinking!

Monday, March 21, 2011

It's Hard to Be Normal

I was home with my parents and sister in PA for the weekend for 2 auditions.

I didn't take very many pictures.... but....

I found my mom lying on the front walk, talking on the phone in the sun, on a cold day:

Friday, March 18, 2011

Coffee Chronicles Double Whammy: Aroma and Taralucci E Vino UWS

Aroma Espresso Bar

72nd St.

Espresso Macchiato

Necessary Afternoon Espresso in between babysitting jobs. Sometimes I bribe the 3 year old with the milk chocolate they always give you.


Taralucci E Vino

W. 83rd St.

Iced Coffee

Monday, March 7, 2011

Living Alone and Confiding in the Deli Man

So, thanks to a lack of communication, I called out of work (babysitting) last minute to go on a callback dance audition today, but on the wrong day, because I really needed to be calling out for tomorrow because they switched the days, but nobody told me.

Meaning, I wasted my whole afternoon- and showed up to the men's callback at 5 pm looking like an idiot- and also will get 2 less days of pay this week. Adding all that to the my general overly high audition adrenaline.... bad day.

When the audition monitors told me that I was there on the wrong day and "didn't they call you?" I held it together just fine, and on the elevator, and subway- until I got home to my apartment and started crying. Stress crying... I don't know. (I'm really bad with auditions- emotionally)

Then I went for a "Little Lion Man" + other-angry-music walk around the reservoir as the sun set (nice) (cold). This woman was walking so fast past me - almost looking like she was bopping and dancing- that she inspired me to keep a reasonable, but even distance behind her so I would walk fast, too.

Then, as I paid for kombucha and yogurt from the deli on the corner, the older Korean man who works there asked me:

"How ah you beauteefuh?" as he normally does.

But instead of being normal and saying: "Fine!", I actually said:

"Today, I'm not good".

Then he asked me if I was fighting with my boyfriend, and I held back saying: "No, that is not applicable".

I realized too late that it was impossible to explain quickly- especially since this man knows nothing about me- and our relationship has never moved past "how are you?" "fine!" "have a good day" "you too".

I tried to brush it off and just said "Work- bad day with work". But he asked more. I tried quickly to explain while backing out of the deli waving my arms wildly... and I bumped into the little man mopping the floor.

"I'm fine I'm fine!!!!"

"Ok, you take cah of yooself beauteeful" ... he looked concerned.

I ran out onto the street and thought: WHAT!? Am I so starved for face-to-face human contact (that is not with a 3 year old or an audition monitor) that I have to vent to the man who works at the deli?

I mean... I see people these days... sometimes. But I live alone, and my day-to-day is just babysitting. I try to get people to go to dinner or go see a show at UCB some weeknights.... but during the week it doesn't happen often, especially in the winter.

I guess I am starved for speak-venting? My typing-conversations to my friends on facebook chat apparently don't cut it- and so my friend-at-the-deli had to hear more than he bargained for.

Oh, I forgot, and on the way back from my walk and my deli-stop, once I had realized that I was... depressing, I stopped at the flower/plant store on my other corner and bought myself some gifts:

I bought myself baby daffodils and baby shamrocks in honor of St. Patricks day 10 days away.

That's healthy, right? Healthy and lonely way to deal with stress? Besides the 1 vodka + cranberry kombucha cocktail I made for myself with my sandwich dinner (1! ok, only 1! ).

Now I am watching superfluous, bad Television which I am giving up for lent on Wednesday. This can be my TV binge.

PS. Ew, Gossip Girl is so melodramatic....

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Mardi Gras (+ Lent)

Mardi Gras Party on Saturday night thrown by a very good cook. Hush puppies, pickled vegetables, beef poppers, a dramatic muffuletta platter (with hilarious generic sandwich bread to serve it on, which was his roommate, my friend's, fault), cupcakes.... and even some Ferraro Rochers.

There quite a spread of alcohol and mixers too. It was not a college party- it was a slightly more advanced party with homemade vodka and everything.

Some girl that was not me found the bead inside some King cake and became The Queen of the party, receiving a glass beer mug as another prize.

But it was fun. And Danielle and I took some vanity shots, this being the most unflattering one:

I don't think I have ever successfully in my life given up something for lent. And there were years when I actually considered myself to be Catholic, not so much anymore. Cafeteria Catholic maybe now, maybe even something more like "Attempting Spiritual Awareness"- I'll come up with a name later. But despite my lack of organized religion NOWadays, I actually want to give up something because.... I just do.

I want to enhance my life. Positively. If only for 1.5 months.

So I think I will give up Superfluous Television. Meaning I can watch "my shows". I will have a definitive list that I'll make on Tuesday- when I sit in front of the TV all night- and then starting Wednesday- I will transform into the perfect person.

(What I really should do is give up "Superfluous Internet".) (Next year, next year)

the cooler, more composed and almost apathetic version of danielle and myself

Friday, March 4, 2011

Charlie Sheen for Droopy Eyed Armless Children

I am obsessed with this whole Charlie Sheen debacle. The scariest part is I feel like he is brainwashing me to believe that I have to do is believe in my own awesomeness and be a WINNER. Like him.

And then I realized that he threatened his ex-wife that he'd chop off her head and send it in a box to her parents and... I am sobered up. Like him. (haha- ha).

But I have already followed him on twitter, unfollowed him because I was disgusted with myself, followed him again, and then unfollowed him.

Ugh. I hate him. I am fascinated by him. Is he for real? Shut Up!

But the quote that actually made me laugh out loud, as creepy as it is, is:

"The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, all the others look like droopy-eyed, armless children. It was epic."

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Cute Alcoholism

I am going to stock up on those baby wine bottles- because I am strongly considering becoming a functional alcoholic.

As opposed to "Oh no, I won't have a glass of wine by myself with my dinner and the E! network, because I don't want that big bottle of wine to go to waste when I don't drink it all in 3 days." Or, "If I open that bottle of wine I intend to be responsible and don't want to finish it in 3 days (by myself)". So I don't. And then there is no wine, and sometimes, that's not ideal.
Now there will be no excuse not to have a glass of wine. Nothing sacrificed except my functionality.

Not this small

This small. I think.

Google search for baby alcohol took me to this picture. This is the cutest alcoholism I have ever seen! Dysfunction fit for a baby!

Abandoned Notebooks

Among the things hidden in/on my bookshelf- I found two notebooks from college. I take so few notes in general- that these notebooks in question spanned many semesters/years. (I preferred to just take in information by sitting there and not listening). Next to the measly real-class notes, are a lot of strange conversations with myself (and doodles).

Its almost like my subconscious way of talking to myself during class, a time when I can't talk out loud to myself, which is what I normally do to exorcise my irregular thoughts.

Unfinished Christmas List 2008: I am a bomber (im... not)

Attempted Creepy Sphinx Doodle was inspired by a poem from that class

"I hope I'm not Bridget Jones" and "It's ok- I can handle anything". 
Really, Caroline?

"I love wine anyway... I don't really have a headache"

bonus: mushroom doodles

"Why can I be so cold? Oh I am so mean"


from a Celtic Music Class


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Party Mishap

To harp on my party some more- besides my (un)necessary stress over noise and I'll-never-sleep-again paranoia- every thing else was good. Meaning: I was very well prepared.

There was enough booze and there was enough food. And I cleaned the whole place that day and everything was in place and welcoming 'looking'.

However, a small group of people who I DIDN'T know as well were in my "office corner" sitting at my desk taking over the iTunes. I started to get nervous because I realized I had poorly hidden: my "Women Food and God" book, and my myriad of spiritual-type-self help books, and my "The S-Factor Pole Dancing Workout Book", among other things.

However, what takes the cake was my to-do notepad on my desk that I forgot to put away. And I specifically saw some guy I didn't really know flipping through it.

What that means is: Practice Your Comedic Monologue from the play "Sexual Perversity in Chicago".