Monday, March 7, 2011

Living Alone and Confiding in the Deli Man

So, thanks to a lack of communication, I called out of work (babysitting) last minute to go on a callback dance audition today, but on the wrong day, because I really needed to be calling out for tomorrow because they switched the days, but nobody told me.

Meaning, I wasted my whole afternoon- and showed up to the men's callback at 5 pm looking like an idiot- and also will get 2 less days of pay this week. Adding all that to the my general overly high audition adrenaline.... bad day.

When the audition monitors told me that I was there on the wrong day and "didn't they call you?" I held it together just fine, and on the elevator, and subway- until I got home to my apartment and started crying. Stress crying... I don't know. (I'm really bad with auditions- emotionally)

Then I went for a "Little Lion Man" + other-angry-music walk around the reservoir as the sun set (nice) (cold). This woman was walking so fast past me - almost looking like she was bopping and dancing- that she inspired me to keep a reasonable, but even distance behind her so I would walk fast, too.

Then, as I paid for kombucha and yogurt from the deli on the corner, the older Korean man who works there asked me:

"How ah you beauteefuh?" as he normally does.

But instead of being normal and saying: "Fine!", I actually said:

"Today, I'm not good".

Then he asked me if I was fighting with my boyfriend, and I held back saying: "No, that is not applicable".

I realized too late that it was impossible to explain quickly- especially since this man knows nothing about me- and our relationship has never moved past "how are you?" "fine!" "have a good day" "you too".

I tried to brush it off and just said "Work- bad day with work". But he asked more. I tried quickly to explain while backing out of the deli waving my arms wildly... and I bumped into the little man mopping the floor.

"I'm fine I'm fine!!!!"

"Ok, you take cah of yooself beauteeful" ... he looked concerned.

I ran out onto the street and thought: WHAT!? Am I so starved for face-to-face human contact (that is not with a 3 year old or an audition monitor) that I have to vent to the man who works at the deli?

I mean... I see people these days... sometimes. But I live alone, and my day-to-day is just babysitting. I try to get people to go to dinner or go see a show at UCB some weeknights.... but during the week it doesn't happen often, especially in the winter.

I guess I am starved for speak-venting? My typing-conversations to my friends on facebook chat apparently don't cut it- and so my friend-at-the-deli had to hear more than he bargained for.

Oh, I forgot, and on the way back from my walk and my deli-stop, once I had realized that I was... depressing, I stopped at the flower/plant store on my other corner and bought myself some gifts:

I bought myself baby daffodils and baby shamrocks in honor of St. Patricks day 10 days away.

That's healthy, right? Healthy and lonely way to deal with stress? Besides the 1 vodka + cranberry kombucha cocktail I made for myself with my sandwich dinner (1! ok, only 1! ).

Now I am watching superfluous, bad Television which I am giving up for lent on Wednesday. This can be my TV binge.

PS. Ew, Gossip Girl is so melodramatic....