Monday, March 28, 2011

Ways to Avoid Taking Shots

Who this post is NOT for:
Some people love taking shots, so this post's advice is useless. But for people who find themselves going with the group and taking shots when they wish they weren't. Here:

Why I hate shots:
I love drinking- but shots are pointless. If 3 drinks is all I want, and can handle, WHY would I make 1 or 2 of them shots?


Survey the Scene, Feel out your Peer Pressurers for what kind of Shot Escape you can use

I never order shots for myself- its normally ordered by a "friend"- or given for free by the bar (the worst kind) but you feel slightly obligated either way.

  1. First thing I do, is, if I am aware of the shots being ordered or offered I say simply that I don't want any. Or pretend I don't want any because I am too drunk. I earnestly say "I do not want any" and don't make a big deal about it.

This works about 20% of the time. Normally people are going to get you your shot anyway. Either they are alcoholics and want the shot themselves and really want you to make them feel less alcoholic by taking the shot with them. Or they don't believe you that you don't want the shot. Or they truly think that having shots will make the night more fun. Or they are a bartender who.... I can't understand why a bartender gives free shots- (except unfortunately sometime it DOES end in me buying more alcohol, though you would think the other way around.) Or they are a guy trying to get you drunk so he can take you away with him.

All bad reasons to take shots.

  • 2nd thing I do is survey the scene. Sometimes its ok to just not take the shot. It depends on how crowded the surroundings are, it depends on who these friends are, it depends on who got the shots. Sometimes it really is ok to just not take the shot and give it to someone else or just let it sit there. There are no hard and fast rules for when this ok, except sometimes it just seems ok.
In that case. Just let it sit there.

Sometimes, for reasons we cannot fully explain, it seems important that people think we are taking the shot. Sometimes it seems rude, or lame or whatever, to refuse even if you have already refused wanting one in the first place. So, in order to deceive and decept and fit in- you can do one of these three things:

Ways to Make it seem like you took the Shot
  •  Literally just dump it on the floor next to you while everyone is taking it.
I learned this from Karen Fillapelli from the Office. Also it makes me laugh to myself because it really is an absurd thing to do. Issues are: people standing around you that you might hit, etc. And on the flip side- sometimes it is not crowded enough around you, but people are standing around you who will notice. Sometimes it might be so dead - or such a nice place that your friends and others will hear the splash of liquor on the floor. Feel it out. You'll know when this option is right. I have used it many times. Its funny to do. A little joke with yourself.
  • 2nd: pour it into an empty glass around you.
It can be a dirty one, or a clean one, but best not to taint your own unfinished drink unless you don't want to finish it anyway. Or maybe its a straight shot and you want to add it to your drink and then be able to sip it at your own leisure. That is actually a good idea. Hmmmmm....... But not if its a gross mixed piece of sugary shit. BLerghk.

This is a viable option with many different and varying possibilities. Find a glass. Dump.
  • #3rd option is a variation on #2. Actually take the shot into your mouth and then SPIT into another glass.
My friends actually saw me do this the other night. I did it non-discretely and on-purpose because it was the bartender who was pressuring me in an annoying way. And he was friends with my friend. But because I knew my friends didn't care whether I took the shot or not, I instead fooled only the bartender, and dirtied one of his clean glasses stacked in front of me. Ha. Why you want me to be so drunk, bartender?

Yes, you soak in some alcohol when you hold it in your mouth for ten seconds, but its better than nothing.

I just want to say. That bartender (at a pub in midtown east) was making 4 shots of some gross blue shit that tasted like mouthwash, as per request of my friend, even though I said and meant: NO.

I had already been forced to have a kamakaze- which I took into my mouth and spat into a glass.

So- when no one is looking with this blue stuff, I took a baby taste just so I knew what it tasted like- didn't even worry about deceiving anyone, and just dumped it in an empty glass next to me.

Nobody even cares.

Your necessary level of deceit will be clear to you in the situation.

The long and short of it is that its not a big deal and nobody really cares whether you take the shot or not. Sometimes you'll take the thing anyway.

Be true to you.

Over and out.

Happy Drinking!