Monday, June 13, 2011

How to Trick People with Clothing Rotation

Do you want to get the most out of your clothes? Do you have very few clothes because of poverty or weight gain? Do you hate doing laundry? Do you like mildly tricking people?

Any of the above may be a good reason to start wearing the same clothes up to 3, or even sometimes 4 days in a row. Avoiding seeing the same people on an everyday basis will become essential. But this will probably be good for expanding your social circles and enhancing your social life anyway. Maybe.

Regular Jobs
This is impossible for people with normal jobs during the regular workweek. But you could and should implement this on the weekend. Ex. F/Sa/Su.

Significant Others/Lovers
If you have a significant other who is with you 24/7, you are either going to have to trick them too, or make them accept your strange ways. But let’s be honest, that is not my area of expertise.

Summer Woes
Truthfully, this presents a challenge in the summer, because things will smell bad. Also I don’t wear real anti-persperent because it kills you or something. I wear Tom’s of Maine deodorant- and it doesn’t work.

All my shirts are ruined by the end of each summer day- so this tutorial only may only work if you:
1. wear the kind of deodorant that kills you, or
2. are doing this in the fall/winter/spring.

Now, on with the tutorial! Here are some things to look out for:

-Make sure it doesn’t smell. Seriously.

-Summer woes aside, this works well on sleeveless shirts and dresses.

-Make sure you are not seeing the same people in those days of rotation. They will judge you.

-Do it for the love of your One Special Shirt. Not because it is your Only Shirt - or you will learn to resent your shirt - and then you will have Zero Shirts to wear.

-There is a weird joy that comes from squeezing extra days out of your clothes. Especially when you see new people and they even compliment your shirt.

“LOVE that shirt!”
“yes you DO, and there is so little you know about it.”

It is all worth it.

Pants: Pants don’t need to be washed, obviously.

Underwear (underpants): Just buy a lot of underwear.

Bras: Bras also don’t need to be washed.

Jackets/Coats: Jackets never need to be washed.

Dry-Clean-Only Clothes: Don’t buy them. But if you do, they also can just be hung up, which will magically clean them in about one or two months time.

Socks: Socks do need to be washed. Sorry. In a pinch you can re-use if exercising.

Sheets: Sheets can be changed whenever you remember. This may be as often as every week or seldom as once a year.

Good luck and don’t sweat too much!

(I am only 65% serious about all of this. Maybe 70%)

2nd day. Actually maybe 3rd

(...ok, maybe 80% serious.)

Friday, June 10, 2011

E-bay Criminal

It was so hot yesterday in NYC that I kept saying to myself outloud on the street "I feel like this isn't real". Outloud. Maybe I thought I was in a dream, but I definitely scared a couple old ladies.

I decided I need to start selling all of my things on e-bay to combat my impending poverty.

Last week, I tried to sell a bag on e-bay that I thought was real- it was a small "Louis Vuitton" that my aunt gave me a few years ago. 

But guess what... It was fake and I didn't know till ebay took it down and now I am a pseudo-criminal in their eyes. I should have realized.... I was only a teenager... Why would she give me a real one? Just because she gave me real pearls when I was 5 because she is my god-mother...


I need to go. I have important things to do.

(My apartment in High Saturation Mode. For no Reason)