Tuesday, September 13, 2011

On God and Bad Prayers

There are a many beliefs about spirituality I have read. I am half-assedly subscribed to the following:

1. The Universe is "God"/Life/Love- and it listens and takes care of you- (but has no beard)

2. We can create whatever we want- we need to visualize it- and it will happen- (like a genie but with no beard)

3. We must accept what is- and let life unfold around us- we cannot possibly know what we want or what we need (conflicts with #2) (also, no beard)

4. I can pray to God, with or without a beard, for things and resolutions, remembering that "he" is not necessarily a man, but we only say that so we can further understand "him". I think.

5. You say "Thy Will Be Done". Meaning: "Oh, God, I really really want this, but of course- whatever you want should be what happens because otherwise I am getting too smug."

6. You say "Thank You" at the end of your request in order to tell the Universe: "This is happening, bitch, I already thanked you, now GET ON IT".

7. You say the request as if it already is that way. For instance, instead of "I really want to be a millionaire God. Please. Pleeaassseeeee". You say " I am a Millionaire. Thank You."

-Which is WEIRD and they all totally contradict each other-

8. We are ALL connected. Literally. Like if half our brain gets damaged, and we just saw with one side (forget which side) we are literally just like energy connected and concentrated. Which makes ANYTHING POSSIBLE. And is also confusing. (Saw this on a TED talk)

9. Jesus is literally sitting in heaven. Like his whole self. Him. His body. His robes are IN HEAVEN. And when you die you will SEE HIM. I actually... do not believe this. I believe that St. Anthony himself is searching for my keys before I believe that. No offense Jesus. I like the things you said, I really do.

10. Speaking of Jesus. I have read, and I like the idea, that people greatly misunderstood and misinterpreted his words, and really he was just saying. "I am "God", like you, we are powerful and connected. etc". "What I do, you will do too". He was talking about connectedness. But was just a peaceful rebel. (He DID have a beard, however. but apparently it wasn't long or blonde.)

11. I like to pray to Saints and ask them to do things for me. Then I thank them, because I am bossing them around. If, that day, I believe in the Universe instead of "God" (beard or no)- I just consider the Saints, like.... energy balls- or something.

All That Being Said- I Pray about One Day a Month

The rest of the days I am just sitting at my computer stressing out.

On that One Day a Month- I try to do something like this:

I try to meditate. I lie in bed and either fall asleep or start thinking about what clothes I should bring to the laundromat. Then I yell at myself in my head.

Sometimes I make a list of all the things I want and draw little crosses at the top of the page and little "thank yous" at the bottom. Then I get stressed about how I don't have anything on that list.

Sometimes I lie in bed and say a mantra, like: "All is well. I can trust the process of life. All is well. I can trust the process of life. All of the dishes are dirty why am I lying down. I am going to be a sexy chicken for Halloween, that would be funny." And on and on.

Normally though, on that one day a month, what I do is get in bed at NIGHT and say- "OH, I know a great way to not think about how long it takes me to fall asleep. I'll pray and ask for all the many things I want." Then I lie there and say in my head:

"Hi God. I don't know if you are a God or a Universe or whatever. But I don't think you fault me, and I am going to tell you what I want. I really want to.... have the things that I want. I really want to- " and then my brain stops. "Ok, ok. I really want... to be happy. I want a career, if that is what I am supposed to have. So I hope that you like, inspire me to do things, and that I do them. Also, just bring me things. Like money. And Food." And then my brain stops. "I want....ummmm... what was I thinking? Ah yes. ahhhhhh" and then I sigh like a maniac. trying to be zen. then I start speaking like an old english poet "Dear, God. I am thankful for alllll the blessings in my life. This bed. This apartment. I trust you and allll your funny little happenings. I pray for happiness for my-" And then my brain stops. Then I start thinking about how late it is. Or the email that I forgot to write. Then I have a blog post idea, but I am too tired to write it down. Then I say "God, I want to not be afraid of dating anymore! AND I WANT to be very productive and very happy. And what is that sound in my air conditioner?".

It is very hard to be as spiritual as I am.