Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas: Cookies & Grandmothers

Fun Times For All:

mummy dearest


I made almond-flour ginger cookies. And they were delicious, however questionable looking.

My mother (who, to my knowledge, has never has baked a christmas cookie in her life) insisted from her comfortable kitchen window-seat throne- that I had to form some of them into "little men".

When I told her we didn't have any cookie cutters/rolling pins, she said that "organic shapes" were best.

Also, we have an old pot-belly stove-turned-oven with a numberless oven dial, so.... cooking times are not consistent:

They might look horrible to the naked eye, but they were good- and weirdly spicy.

Last night (christmas) my Irish-accented grandmother had muucch wine, and proceeded to tell me a story that I was "too young to hear, but achh, oh well": Once upon a time, when my grandmother had only 2 children yet, her mother in-law, my great-grandmother, told her that there was "such a thing as birth control now, you know".... the story went on and on- included the phrase "plowed away", and I nodded and pretended that this was all I wanted to hear from my Grandmother on Christmas.

Irish Grandmother

Also, my grandmother loves to point out my mother's "bum". Last night the three of us had a special conversation about how my grandmother has padded underwear to wear with certain "slacks" that give her more shape. My grandmother tried to get my mother to borrow the padded underwear to fill her out when my mom was undergoing chemo. She told me I didn't need any padded underwear.

Also, she claims that someone told her it is very normal to wear padded underwear in California.... I told her she should get implants.


My other Grandmother thinks that I should be lying about my age already. For I am too old at 23-almost-24! Obviously!

On Christmas Eve, she tried to tell my Aunt that I was a year younger than I am- and when I told my aunt the truth- my grandmother scolded me: "Don't tell them THAT!!"

For what purpose am I trying to trick my Aunt?

However, she wants to take me to a very, very fancy dinner tomorrow night at The Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia.

Maybe she thinks I deserve a little joy before I die of old age.

Besides beautiful cash, this grandmother gave me a very heavy Bill O'Reilly pen that has "PATRIOT" printed on it.

That's all the Christmas I care to write about now.

Merry Merry.