Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How to Become a Successful Blogger

Over the past year, this blog has made $0.23 on Google Adsense.

If I was worried about my financial security before, I can finally sigh a breath of relief.

I'm on my way to becoming a professional blogger, slower than the opposite of the speed of light.

(No, I won't give you all the secrets to my success.  But basically, just follow your own heart, passions and talents. The amount of money you make will be relative to your heart, passions and talents (mine are worth 23 cents). Also, ignore all the advice to connect with other bloggers and readers, because I had SEVEN whole page views yesterday, and I don't worry about that stuff at all).

(Also, you can do stuff like add lots of pictures, make your text big so old and stressed people can read it, have catchy and misleading titles, and also include inspiring content)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Your Higher Self

On my quasi-quest for spiritual enlightenment, I have encountered many detours. And then I often forget I am even on this quest at all. But then something I read, or my own anxiety, or occasional misery will remind me- and I get back on.

The problem is I rarely stick with any practice long enough to see whatever positive benefits may be waiting at the end. But, I guess, there is no end. Except death. And that will apparently come with many benefits unless I am stuck here as ghost. And I hope not.

But back to my Quest

I read a blog last night about some woman doing a meditation and calling on the Higher Self. The all knowing, all-loving, and magical version of ME. And then, in the meditation, asking the Higher Self to take a form and then asking it for a message.

First of all, I assume this blog woman I was reading about is very good at meditating, which, I am not. I just basically lie there and take a nap, or lie there and have my eyes twitch while hoping that some inner peace is being born inside of me.

So, first of all, I probably don't have the ability to just order my Higher Self to appear to me, because I am not actually getting quiet and reaching my inner self ANYWAY.

But, I tried. I lay there and got quiet until my eyes weren't twitching anymore, and then I said in my mind: Higher Self, take a Form!.... And a few seconds later I had the vision of a starbucks barista. And I kept lying there waiting for my Higher Self to take a form. And then I realized: My Higher Self is like a Starbucks barista. It wants to get my order right. And if it doesn't it will make me another drink FREE OF CHARGE.

Then I thought: "But, I get so stressed when I am waiting for my drink if I have ordered a complicated one! I don't trust those baristas!"

And my Higher Self seemed to say...... "Exactly".

My Higher Self. Awwwww
Deep stuff.