Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I Hate Google, Part 2

Google continues to think it knows me, just as it thinks it knows you, by gathering data from searches and frequently visited sites...

Then through its tailored advertising, it tries to connect me with amazing products and services to enhance my unconventional and possibly depressing lifestyle.

Google thinks I am a gay man, which, is actually pretty intuitive of Google. But this still goes to show that machines are not as smart as we wish they were. Or arrrreee tthheyyyyy?

And not only am I a gay man, but I am also apparently:

Ok, but really, this is the scariest one. WHO IS THAT SCARY GIRL!? I nearly jumped off of my couch when her face startled me from the sidebar of Weather.com.

I seriously don't understand why Christian Mingle thought that this was an enticing ad!?

But no, I... already said I would want to die before I did something like Christian Mingle. OR DO I!? Oh my God I don't know anything anymore.

(Just to put it in perspective, above is an ad for some shoes I was actually looking at the other day on amazon....)

Again, I am some sort of overweight man, maybe named Erik, desperately seeking a gay, christian lover and hoping to fit into my old corduroys from college. Thank God I won't have to give up wings.

Ok, well this....

is sort of sweet. But Google, don't you know that my mother gave away both of my childhood dogs? Way to punch be in the heart-belly.

...Really? I am?! Why?!?!?

"Warning"? Should I be concerned?

Ok, to be fair with this one, I only get this pop-up alert when I am on illegal sites like a "youtube to mp4" converter site, or illegal streaming sites for Homeland or Downton Abbey. So I don't necessarily think it is Google's Artificial intelligence, more like... "illegal ads for illegal people doing illegal things". (This one came with a picture of a silhouette of a naked woman and a dropbox for age verification and a "click to continue" button.)

However, who knows. Google is pretty omnipresent...What if Google knows something about my life that I don't even know yet???

Thank you, Google, for keeping me on my toes.