Monday, January 7, 2013

Please Eat Your Cake & Birthday Sequin Problems

"Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too"

I know I am not the only one who thinks this: If you have some cake, you'd better get to eat it, "too".

I know what the saying means- 'You can't freaking have it all, man'. But the wording definitely does not imply that. So when people say "He can't have his cake and eat it too!", all I think is But why can't he eat his cake if it is his cake? Is he on a diet? I need some more background information. 

It should be: "Ma'am, you cannot have your own cake and eat our cake too, just expecting us to sit idly by while we watch you steal everyone's dessert".

Or, "Sir, why are you eating that piece of cake from the other patron's table? We brought you a piece of cake of your very own! What is wrong with you? Sir, STOP eating that cake. You can't just eat EVERYONE'S cake- are you an animal?! Bob, call security". (I have to say, this man is probably also on a diet, because diets make people binge. Believe me, I know.)

Speaking of, the only time I probably sneakily ate other peoples' cake was when I was on a diet.

One Google Search Later...

Oh Wow! Someone at Urban Dictionary explained that the phrase really means: "You can't eat your cake- and have it too." Meaning: Once you eat your cake Miss, it will be gone and you won't have cake any more.

I would say that is less of a life-lesson and just more of a fact.


Throw A Party

Another saying that is not grounded in any logic is "Throwing a Party"? I am just gonna throw it around and hope someone catches it! Heads up! Catch my party!

It makes no sense.


Now Watch Me Put the Two Above Topics Together

This weekend was my birthday, and looking back at my blog, I am now seeing that I wrote about my attempts to not have the pointless birthday blues last year, and had forgotten that I expressed the same whiny sentiment two years ago.

This year I am not going to write about that. This year was great:

-I wore a very sparkly dress that my Russian saleswoman tried to convince me to buy in a size Small, but I bought it in a Medium because I didn't want to look like a sausage with fish scales. I was already buying it because the other sparkly birthday dress I own is too low-cut for my prudent Capricorn ways, and I looked like "Wooaa, when did Tinkerbell let herself go?". So I opted for a sort of sparkly nun neckline instead.

-I was surprised with a round of champagne sent to dinner, called in by my awesome Aunt from out of state. It was so exciting that I decided: One day, I too will do that for an elderly niece of my own.

see the nun neckline?

- My friend Melanie brought me like 7 balloons to the restaurant, and I pretended to be so thankful and to love them, even when some popped and everyone in the restaurant looked at me angrily because my birthday was ruining their romantic dates. Then Melanie told me that she specifically got them for me because she knew the balloon logistics would stress me out- and she thought that was hilarious. And it was, but I made her carry them from then on.

-There was a fun band at the bar, and everyone else who met up got to jump/dance to the Beatles and "I would walk 500 Miles", and "I want You to Want Me", and most importantly, "Sweet Caroline". (Which is debatably a much better Caroline song than "Her roses really smell like poo poo poo- she is the meaning of the word bitch").

Sequin Problems

Look, I loved my sparkly nun dress, but it kept on getting caught on the wall and my bag and other people. The fishing wire that all the sequins seemed to be sewn on with kept getting hooked on things and people, causing some weird situations and also some worries that my dress would unravel. So I had to dance with some caution. Also those stupid balloons kept popping and scaring people into thinking there was a bar gunman.

And then my birthday ended with birthday-nachos- which is always a good thing.