Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Adult Things I DON'T WANT TO DO

Along the same lines as needing to grow up, these following things seem very hard, but are very normal and easy.

Taking Down the Trash

There is not much involved in taking down the trash. Though, I have learned that trashbag strength and quality do make a difference: getting weird brown smelly trails of liquid on the floor because of trashbag holes can definitely take Taking Down the Trash from the 'normal chore category' and put it into the 'legitimately hard' category. (Also, I don't like seeing the cockroaches in the main trashcans in the basement.) But. In general, taking out the trash is easy and takes about 2 extra minutes- if that. But I normally convince myself that it will take at least 20 minutes- so apparently that means I never have time.

Taking a Shower

Am I the only person that thinks taking a shower is hard? Not only that, but then you are all wet and have to figure out what clothes to put on and brush your knotty hair- and then make sure you have adequate time to let your hair dry so you don't look like Helena Bonham Carter when you wake up. (Actually, I might not even mind that). Because you'd better know I can't be taking a shower in the MORNING. Who has time for that!?

And now that the water temperature at my new apartment vacillates erratically between scalding and freezing for no apparent reason, no matter how many times we tell our superintendent, showers are even harder. Hearing screams from the bathroom is the norm now, and we emerge to rate our showers: "That was almost the worst one, but still, last week I was burned way worse".

Also, in this new apartment's Paradise Shower, the shower head sticks out from the middle, like widthwise, instead of the normal lengthwise direction. And if there was no shower curtain, the water points right to the floor on the outside of the tub, instead of, you know, the normal shower way, which is pointing at the other end of the length of the tub. So it's terrible all around.

They are just hard. And I also haven't bought myself new shampoo in a while so I am in a constant fight with the nearly-empty shampoo bottles.


(Ok, through this list I am seeing that, clearly, household chores just seem hard to me. And I think I know why: Because there is actually a way to get by without them. You can live many, many weeks without laundry if you so choose. Yea, sure, you would smell horrible. But it is possible. And you can also potentially not take a shower for many days, too. Same choice with the smell. Same with trash. Basically it's all about what level of smell you are willing to put up with. Alternate Post Title: How Much Smell Are You Willing to Take?

And so I end up doing household chores just to pat myself no the back and say "See, we aren't completely incapable? Now are we?". Oh, what a luxurious life we lead with clean laundry and clean hair and no kitchen cockroaches.)

Ok, fine, let's talk about Laundry, then. Agh. Ok well, the last two years I took my laundry to the Chinese Wash & Fold for $9 a wash, and they folded my laundry, which is really all I could ever want of the world- a world that folds my laundry for me. Folding laundry! What a seemingly pointless act! Except, apparently it is not. Because now no matter whether my clothes are clean or not, they are always unwearable anyway because they are so wrinkly they look like I just took them out of the trashcan.

Anyway, in my new apartment, laundry is in the basement with my enemies: the cockroaches, and all the old people hog the machines, and my whole life has become a rampant exercise in collecting quarters. So, you know what? I argue that, in New York City's non-luxury apartment buildings, laundry is actually hard. Legitimately Hard.

And the "folding step" is a whole other issue I don't even feel like getting into right now.

Hanging Things Up

Along the same lines as folding, "hanging things up" is something that I can barely get myself to do. It is just that 1-minute step that I never think I have time for...  why would I hang this dress up if I could just lay it over the back of that chair? Why would I hang up this skirt in those little hanger-clippy things if I can just lay it on this scarf basket? Why would I hang up this coat if I am just going to wear it tomorrow? Ugh this sweater is inside-out!? You mean I have to turn it outside-in, and then open my closet door, and take out a hanger, and put it on the hanger, and hang it up, and close the door?

Yes. I know. VERY EASY. But somehow seems so hard.

This morning I spent a few solid minutes running around my apartment looking for my raincoat because I (miraculously) remembered that my monthly Metrocard was in the pocket from yesterday.

I looked on the chair that the coat is normally on... and then in the basket I guess I could have thrown it in, and then the other chair that I never put it on but why not check? Nowhere. That is weird. Did I not wear my raincoat home? That makes no sense... Then I just sort of walked around my apartment in circles for a few minutes very confused. I looked on the backs of the kitchen chairs, and in the corner of the living room in case I was especially lazy...

Then I checked in my closet- and amazingly- it was there. In my closet. I hung up my coat? What?

What a wasted act of responsibility- because it still took me over 5 minutes to find it.

Well, I guess the moral is, since I seem to care about keeping up appearances if only to impress myself: I DO do my laundry, and I DO take showers, and I DO "fold" my laundry (by rolling it up in an artistic ball)...  I also do my dishes, so I am patting myself proudly on the back about that. You are so functional, Caroline!



After reading this post, my friend Lexy sent me this Calvin & Hobbs comic. 

Calvin gets it.