Wednesday, October 9, 2013


I am going to talk about all the great ways to procrastinate going to bed, if that's something you are into. If you don't know what I am talking about, it is a mild form of masochism, and I am trying to get it recognized as a real condition. (No that's a lie, I barely care enough about anything to go to any difficult length for anything, especially something this stupid.)

But anyway, for now let's call it: Sleecrastination. (pronounced Slicrastination)

Let me count the ways.....


Eating is a great way to sleecrastinate, because it is fun and addictive and delicious. It can also be salty or sweet or both. Cold or hot, hard or soft. You can even eat in bed, though that is a step further into dysfuction, and even if you think you are not getting crumbs in your bed, YOU ARE.) Then add in the fact that for me, I normally don't eat enough during the day, I cannot fall asleep with even 3% hunger (maybe 1-2% is possible for sleep, no more), and that I also enjoyed a very impressive binge-eating disorder for most of my life- so food is a nighttime given. Anyway it is a great way to procrastinate, and I recommend it. I do not recommend binge eating though. But, don't let me talk you out of living your dreams.

Watching Television

Preferably something on Netflix because then you can just watch one after another after another. But old fashioned tv works too, because tv is literally made to hook you into watching the next show until infinity o'clock. Ignore the burning in your eyes, just turn down the brightness to trick your eyes into thinking they aren't exahusted.

Chatting with People

People are GREAT. WHO wants great, virtual conversations to end? Now, with smart phones, conversations literally NEVER NEED TO END. EVER. Not in the BATHROOM, not in BED, not EVER. NEVER. You can talk your whole life long to people who aren't even there. It is a horrible, wonderful thing.

Internet Rabbit Holes

We all know that the Internet can take you down some dark and twisted paths. Some of them center around imdb, some around youtube, some around webmd and your imminent death. Some around conspiracy theories, some around fandoms or message boards, some around tumblr, facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. I don't know you, maybe you are a scientist and you can't stop looking at websites with periodic tables on them. Who knows, but whoever you are, the internet has something for you. Even for the religious. Even for the anorexics. There will be something for you to surf and devour and sleecrastinate with. For hours. 

Food + __________________

Add food to any of the above, even food. If you add food to food you will have double sleecrastination material, and also you can eat even more mindlessly

Phone Rabbit Holes

This is not different really from internet, BUT, once you think you are safely in bed, ready to grab the remaining 6.58 hours before your alarm goes off. Then you can grab your phone and pointlessly open up twitter, then facebook, then youtube, then a game, then your horoscope (what was my day supposed to be like yesterday?), and on and on. Refresh your facebook feed a million times, it is a hollow feeling, but it is inspired by the buried hope that something exciting may be about to happen. And hope is a good thing.

Write a Blog Post

Start writing a blog post right when you are about to get in bed, and you will have something completely pointless to focus on for... as long as your dumb little heart desires!

Now GET to sleecrastinating! And don't forget to complain about how exhausted you are the entire next day.